Donald Lee Conway (Death)

**Disclaimer: this blog contains talk of death and dying**

Yesterday at about 130pm my Grandfather (my dad's dad) passed away.

He had been suffering from COPD for many years and in the past few months has had repeated hospitalizations. He has been hospitalized since Monday for respiratory depression. I of course had a cold at the beginning of the week and since he had surgery (thrombolectomy) I was not able to visit until Thursday. When I saw him I knew his time was short. I stay ed with him so that his wife could go home and rest because he needed someone with him as much as possible. While there of course my "nurse" kicked in and I asked if he had an advance directive filled out and found out that he did not. I spoke to my dad about it and found out that he had a DNR filled out but due to surgery they had to throw it out and make another after (which had not been done yet). My dad filled it out right then and my Grandmother signed her portion Friday morning when she came back. I am SO glad I talked to my dad about it because he died about 12 hours after that was signed, and if it had not been signed the nurses would have had to perform CPR which would have just been awful for him.

I feel bad because he was resting fine all day (first time in about 24hrs) since they got his anti-vomiting medication switched. I was freezing in the hospital and whatever they use to clean their linens makes me sneeze so I couldnt even wrap up in a blanket. I decided to go home and grab a sweater and come back before the Dr.s made their rounds. I was gone about 30min and when I got back he was already gone. With my mind I know that people most often wait until their family is out of the room before they pass. I've seen it more than once-but it really doesnt make me feel much better.

The nurses are unable to tell someone over the phone that someone has died so they called my Grandmother and my Dad and told them he took a turn for the worst and for them to come down there. When I arrived back at the hospital one of the nurses down the other hall reached out and rubbed my arm and said "its okay" and I KNEW that was BAD, so I went running down the hall and as I came around the corner I saw his curtain was closed and heard his nurse say "I would like to report a death". She then told me that his heart had just stopped. I called my dad to tell him not to hurry (we have a drive safe thing in my family) that he was already gone, he said he already had a feeling.

When my Grandmother got there she was running down the hall already crying, and then I had to tell her he was already gone. From there things just went downhill. More family arrived and so I had to explain over and over what happened. It was a bit frustrating cause it was all "her" family and they still made me do everything (including talking to all the professions-I had no idea someone (me) had to talk to a coroner after a death). I'm not complaining about that-I just felt like her daughter/sister would have been able to offer more comfort than I was able too.

After they brought in the top dogs were were finally able to convince her that she had to allow them to take him to the Morgue and then went to her home and started looking for paperwork.

Now since yesterday I have been trying to locate where his mother is buried (finally did) and now I'm trying to find out if it is possible to have him buried with her. Hopefully they can figure that out today so that I can start the process of having him moved to that mortuary. On Monday I have to make pension/retirement phone calls because they are closed for the weekend. At this point I have no idea if I need to be making arrangements for a funeral (sounds like he didnt want one) and if not then do we do something grave side?

I have no idea what to do after death...I'm a nurse I deal with what comes BEFORE death (which preferably doesnt occur)...this is a learning experience I really do not want.

Sleep? Who Needs Sleep?

The night before last I hardly slept at all. Maria told me that Josie only woke up once all night (a first for her), but not me I woke up about every hour...ick!

Last night I was exhausted and expected to sleep all night. Too bad my dog had other ideas! She woke up about 2 and wanted out (unusual for her). So I let her out then went back to sleep knowing she would cry at the door for me to let her in. About 15minutes later my phone rang! Of course that scares the crap outta me in the middle of the night. It was my brother (same as my last phone call in the middle of the night), he saw my dog out and was worried something happened to me since I never leave my dog out at night. After I cleared that up (and let the dog back in). I tried sleeping again. Some where around 5 the dog was up AGAIN! I let her out again... and then of course back in. What a night!

And drum roll please!!! Tonight I have Kayla and Josie for the night so there goes that nights sleep...Im crossing my fingers for Saturday night to be good!

Kreativ Blogger Award

I was tagged by Shanda So here goes...

List 7 things you love and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers you love! Be sure to tag them and let them know they've won! You can copy the award and put it on your sidebar to let the whole world know that your KREATIV!

-TV
-pink
-Red Robin
-books
-freshly vacuumed floors
-re-organizing
-roses

Bloggers I love
-http://craftycallie.blogspot.com/
-http://happypaperblog.blogspot.com/
-http://abbeysmommy.blogspot.com/
-http://lisabeesponderings.blogspot.com/2009/03/brown-1-challenge.html
-http://joyineveryjourney.blogspot.com/
-http://susansdayoffcreations.blogspot.com/
-http://sunshinesls.blogspot.com/

Josie/Nina Time

(relaxing in Nina's bed)

On the mornings that Maria stays over I have been spending the mornings alone with Josie. She seems to wake up about 730, the same time I do. And before she really starts getting excited I snatch her up and take her to my room for some cuddle time while Maria gets some uninterrupted sleep. I love that hour or two early in the morning when I get to snuggle with her.

Mommy Words....

Last night Maria stayed here with the girls. Maria wanted Kayla to do something for her (cant remember what now) and she wasnt moving fast enough for her, so Maria says "Im asking nicely before I yell". I couldnt help but laugh out loud! After I stopped laughing I said "wow you really ARE a mom now!" That was such a hilarious mom thing to say!

Here are a few shots of the day...


(Josie's first silly face)

February Weight Loss

So the first picture isnt the best (I had to retake it later in the day). But I just wanted to post how proud I am of my weight loss! Today when I was getting dressed for Kayla's BD party I looked at myself and though "wow I really have been losing weight".

Now on to March to keep up (and hopefully speed up) the pace!

Bored BORED Bored

I have a million things I could be/should be doing today but instead here I sit bored outta my mind! Ive checked all my boards a million times, cleaned (though of course there is more I could do), worked out, talked to my friends, check in on my brother (who got bit by a dog), applied for more jobs, caught up on most of my shows and even remembered to keep drinking water.

Seriously, what else is left? I should have made today a Kayla day-then I wouldnt have been bored!

Now And Then

Last night Hilda and I were looking through my yearbook for our Senior year, having fun looking at people that we haven't seen in years. Laughing at each other for things I remember that she doesn't and those that she does that I don't.

One of the things she remembered that I didnt was a page titled "Predictions", she knew I submitted something but couldn't remember what it was. When we found this, we both fell over laughing. Because... I was SO right!

Having friends that you have been close to forever (we are only TWO years from our 10yr HS reunion) makes life so much more interesting!

What a Morning!

At 530 this morning my phone rang. I swear I was outta bed and to the phone before I even knew what was happening. It was my brother and I answered the phone with 'whats wrong?'. I dont think he even noticed. He was calling to tell me that the light in my car was on (he was just getting in) and that my battery was going to go dead. It was nice of him to let me know, but the phone ringing at that time is scary.

Then around 1030 the dog trainer called me to make sure her and Brandon were still on for lesson today (she doesnt have his number for some reason). I went to walk over to Brandon's to check with him and as I walked down the small hill that goes between the two properties and for some reason I just slid down the hill and land with one leg twisted behind me and one out infront of me, and of course on my pinky! And the worst part was, the trainer was on the phone so all I could do was pick myself up and keep going.

At first my pinky hurt worse than anything, but now its starting to feel better while my ankle is beginning to throb. Of course cause today was the first day in a few that I was going to be able to work out! I still did the weight part just so I could see where I was-unfortunately the fast food of the last few days is catching up with me. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to work out correctly.

What a morning-and its only 1130!

We Have A Baby!

Josie was born today, only about 4 hours after Maria was admitted to the hospital. She was still in denial about the labor, she thought they were going to send her home to wait it out longer. Its a good thing her mom convinced her to go in then. From what I understand the doctor didnt even make it there until after the birth. I hope if/when I ever have babies I have labor that fast!

Here are a few snap shots from just a few hours after she was born..



Kayla snuggling with mommy.



Kayla's dad holding Josie (thats my hand)





A sleeping baby

Kayla is going to really learn what it means to be a big sister. While we were at the hospital today she was pretty emotional and overwhelmed. She definitely didnt like it when Josie cried, she cried too. Poor baby was confused about why her mom was in the bed and told her to 'get dressed mom'.

She did much better when she got home with me and was able to just go about our normal routine. Speaking of which...Im taking Maria to LA tomorrow, so that means her nap is probably going to be messed up again....I hope that goes okay, I dont want her to be saying "I want you" to her mom every five minutes all the way there. Hmm maybe we can drive during nap time??

BTW-No we DONT care that she was born on Friday the 13th. Thanks for pointing it out!!

Josie Can Read!

Im so lucky Maria hasn't had time to read this blog lately! At 9:30a I blogged that Im ready for Josie to be born. And at 12p I picked up Maria and we had lunch and did some running around for the next few hours.

During the time we were together she casually mentioned the fact that her stomach would get tight for a minute. She said it so casually that I didnt really pay it much attention, especially because Josie was still sitting high.

As we were walking around Dos Logos (outdoor shopping) I kept stealing glances at her belly out of the corner of my eye and thinking "did her stomach drop?". I didnt want to say anything cause I didnt know if I was right but while I was looking Maria told me that she felt pressure low, and that maybe Josie was getting lower. I then admitted to her then that I had been wondering if she had dropped lower just since we had been out.

Again Maria brought up the 'tightening' of her stomach and I asked her if it hurt and she said no, that it was just 'uncomfortable' but nothing to be worried about. Then she told me that it had already happened about 6 times in the 5 hours we had been together. Okay I know thats not serious labor or anything but still, its nothing to ignore.

I told Maria that they sounded like contractions to me (I also felt her stomach before and during one). She kept saying they couldnt be cause she remembered how bad it hurt with Kayla. She kept saying over and over how it couldnt be. I laughed (nicely!) and told her that she could be in denial as long as she liked that labor would come sooner or later anyway. She laughed too and told me that she was in denial.

We decided that it was probably a good idea if I kept Kayla for the night since she has an early Dr. apt in the morning anyway.

I just text her a little while ago and she said the 'tightening' is has gotten a little stronger but nothing consistant yet and she was going to try to sleep.

So we will see what happens right? She went into the hospital with Kayla at 7-8a and had her around 4p so she doesnt have a history of long labors once they get going.

Impatiently Waiting!

Okay little Miss Josie Lynn, its time to be born!

I know I know, her due date isnt here quite yet (next Tuesday) but Im ready now! And lucky for me her mommy is ready too. Im on call for Kayla duty as soon as the labor starts so Im afraid to go anywhere far cause I promised to be there as soon as the first contraction happens. The waiting is rough, and Im not even the one who has to carry her, lol.

Today Im going to see Maria for a few hours (or at least thats the plan). I hope I can remember to grab a photo or two of her...you never when it will be the last 'pregnant' photo right?

I cant wait to meet Josie!!

One of Those Days...

Today was one of those days. Nothing has really been wrong (minus the leaking roof, lol) but I still havent been chipper. Maybe it was the migraine I now have pounding the back of my skull, creeping up on my all day, maybe its cause I havent eaten enough, or maybe its the incessant rain... Whatever it is Im SICK of it! I wanna be happy again!

Its 7pm...so the days almost over right?

A Kayla Day

Kayla came to play today! Yay! She 'helped' me make lunch (chicken salad). I dont mind her helping at all, especially because she tries new things when we cook together. Today it was tomatos (she said they were her 'favorite') even though before she always said she didn't like them, so thats an improvment.



She also licked a carrot :) While she was playing with it, kinda nibbling I told her to take a bite so we could show her mom (through a pic) and she did. She didnt want to eat it after she bit it but she did :) No fuss, even. At Nina's house we have the 'one bite rule'. We dont fight over food (I think thats stupid) so we just eat one bite of something if its new, and from there she can decide what she wants. Often she will take more than one bite on her own before deciding if she likes it or not. Although she doesnt like carrots...she LOVES salad :)


While she was here she showed me her new 'trick'

I wanted to cry when she told me that she could put her own socks on, and even worse she then proceeded to ask me for her shoes and competently put those on also. Awww she is growing up so fast! I know she has too, and I really dont like it when she acts like a baby...but ...cant there be a middle ground somewhere?

Hair Hair Everywhere!

So the other day I was in the shower (sorry TMI!) and while I was washing my hair I faced a cold hard fact. I can no longer deny it.

~My hair is to my knees~

How exactly did that happen? Okay yeah I know I havent cut/trimmed it in over 20 years. But still! For so long it seemed to stay at the same length (halfway between my behind and my knees). But now there is no denying it-its reached my knees!

Yes I keep "saying" it, because I still cant believe it!

I'm very sure that the fact that for the last few years I have rarely worn it down has contributed to its increased length. My ex really liked me to wear it down, so I used wear it down almost daily and that obviously kept the growth under control. Now that Im single I dont wear it down. And the honest to God reason is because I dont like the attention I get when I do. People regularly comment "you have really long hair" and I never know what to say to that! It's not a compliment so I cant say 'thanks'. Its just a statement of fact, like 'the sky is blue'.

So from now on-Im making an effort-wear my hair down, just deal with the comments.

Down

Im so frustrated right now.

I applied at LLU for a job that I wanted. And the HR person told me that the cut off was in December but that they were very interested in my application and would open up the program (first day is Feb 8) for me to apply. Basically all I had to do was pass an interview.

So I got everything done and last week they were trying to fit me in for an interview on Monday, and then I never heard anything else from them. So Ive been trying to get a hold of them since Friday to find out what the deal was.

Today I finally got a call saying they arent even going to interview me-Im just outta luck!

WTH?? First they dont have a problem and now they do?

So now I have to start over with the process for a job. Im going to give myself a little while to let this set in and then Im going to look for some place else to apply.

Counting My Blessings

This evening while doing what has fast become a favorite hobby of mine, blog hopping I happened to run across this blog http://browniemom.blogspot.com/ . Reading about this families loss reminded me of how blessed I am.

Many times I focus on what is missing in my life, and forget to count my blessings. I have an intact family-closer than most really. I live next door to my brother, and though I complain about having to wait for him to work on my computer when I need him, Im blessed to have someone who can take care of my technical needs at all. He does 'little' things that impact my life for the better, like today when he installed the locking mailboxes in front of our houses, or when he handles the remote-skipping all the commercials so that I can eat and watch TV without having to watch them.

Im blessed to have generous parents that are willing to let me live in their extra house and help me out while Im not working. Even 'making' me (yes, insisting) that I drive my Dad's car to my job meeting tomorrow because my tags are expired and I didnt know they could tow your car for that. So now Im driving his car until I get my plates-so that leaves him without a car-just to take care of me. And that of course impacts my mom-now she has to take my dad back and forth to work, on top of meeting me during the week to get his car back. Oooo and even sweeter-today I was looking for some paperwork (no luck!) and my mom saw my giant pile of papers that needed to be sorted and shredded. So she sorted them all for me and took home what needs to be shredded...how awesome is that?!

And then of course there are the little siblings-always good for hugs, giggles and some chattiness.

Im thankful I ran across this blog, I need the reminder to be more thankful for my family.

Sleepless in Riverside

Last night was one of the very few nights I have been alone in my "new" house. It did not go smoothly. I swear the house bumped and creaked enough to give me a heart attack.

It's very strange that I had a hard time being alone in my house 'cause for so long I lived alone...very alone! All by myself in the whole state (well that's how it felt). But last night the house never seemed to settle in for the night so I could relax.

Hopefully tonight will be better 'cause at some point I will be living alone night after night right?

The Fun Part?

Today I found my temporary RN license online (why I couldnt find it before I dont know). So now I have to put in applications. I really really hate that part! Applying for and starting a new job is so stressful. But I really need to get started so I can move on to the 'Ive been working here forever' part.

I put in 2 applications at Loma Linda already, only two positions I was really interested in. Now I need to look at whats available at Kaiser since its so close.

This is really killing my burning desire to do homework....LMBO!

Pound For Pound Challenge Widget

99 Things

I totally stole this from Callie who stole it from " Shannan Teubner's blog " How to play-copy the list and bold the items that you've done in your life.... Just something new and different and fun!!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a Band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new languate
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung Karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Ive done 38...I need to travel more!

My Beautiful "Little" Sister

Yesterday I was showing my mom how my camera will automatically take a picture when it detects a smile so I was using my sister as a subject. Im so glad I did because this is one rare smile for her lately. She's at that age (15) when she really has nothing to say anymore (well unless its about boys!) and doesnt smile as readily as she used too. I think its a normal stage-cause I remember being the same way (minus the boy crazy part). But its nice to see a real smile from her.

Isnt she beautiful?

Disney's California Adventure

Yesterday we went to the Disney parks. Parts of the day were rough for me cause the place is filled with memories that I cant seem to get away from. They are all over CA but some places are worse than others and Disneyland parks are one of the worst.

Anyway-I wont bore you all with details, but here are some of the good pictures of the day.

Me with Sully (there is a lot of memories wrapped up in this one picture). Funny thing was the "guy" (it hopefully was a guy!) wouldnt let go after the picture-"he" hugged me a whole bunch of times, lol


More shoe photography


Andrea and Hilda on the swings




This is Hilda and I on a ride (yes I was on the phone while the ride was going)


Hilda and I on the Swings

*&^#%#$ (No More!)

Yesterday Andrea and I were talk and she mentioned that she has been meaning to (or trying to) talk more lady like, in other words, lose the cursing. I laughed and said I needed to work on the same thing. My mouth never used to be so foul, but lately it seems like everything I say is inappropriate. So we decided to work on our vocab together. Last night was a practice run we tried soooo hard not to slip with even one. I think we each slipped up about twice. And now today we are working on it again-the plan is if we dont say any at all we owe each other a drink. Andy slipped once this morning...I dont think I have yet...but we are working on it! I think at the end of the day we will owe each other a drink either way! LOL

Kayla Day

Today Kayla came over for a few hours and she finally got to open her Christmas presents from Kim and I (Pooh, Play-doh, and kitchen pots/pans). Here are a few snap shots I took throughout the day.


Kayla was a little confused about what the spaghetti scoop was for (what is the name of that thing?) So I got out my big one and showed her that I have one too. So of course she wanted to play with it too. Here I was trying to get her to hold them together so I could take a picture...and I ended up with this silly looking one.

Okay some of you (okay a lot of you may think this one is strange!) but I think this one is so funny. I HATE it when little kids have snotty noses and if they cant blow their nose well they get the booger sucker! After Kayla's nap today she asked me to use it on her cause she had boogies LOL


Cooking with her new pots and pans (we had chicken nuggets a million times, cause she didnt 'have' anything else...lol)

The fun part about the Play-doh was putting it in the tube, over and over.
All in all, it was a fun day :)

Busy Busy Busy

Today I spent the day either being Roxie's taxi (lol) or working for my brother.

He called me asking if my offer to help him out today at the shop was still good so I ended up going down there about 2 and staying until 6:30, then coming back and helping out for another hour. We were laughing that I chase off all the customers because when Im there it seems to be a lot slower. Even if it was he said it helped him out a lot to be able to go in the back and just work on computers. Though I have to bother him a million times to ask him questions.

I told him not to worry about asking me for help cause I actually enjoyed the work. Its so different from anything else Ive done. Kim was really worried about leaving me, if it would be too much work for me to handle since a lot of the information is in her head. I told both of them not to worry about it stressing me out because once you have lives in your hand...computers arent anything to stress about...seriously! I told them yeah I dont know their business that well but I know how to take a message and get the answer then call the customer back so no biggie.

Well...thats my blog for the day-Im off to take a hot bath!

Oh yeah...tomorrow is a Kayla day! Yay!

"Brandon's Hot Sister"

Yep that's what I heard today. A few of his friends came by the shop and one of the guys said "thats Brandon's hot sister". I just stopped in my tracks and said "WHAT??"

I hadnt really thought about it until then but its been a long time since a guy told me I was hot/whistled etc. Guess up north really just dont act like that so I got used to it and hearing it so bluntly like that took me back for a second. I wasnt insulted or anything, but I thought it was rude that this guy that I dont even know his name apparently regularly refers to me as 'Brandon's hot sister'. My brother even said he told his WIFE that! What the hay??? What kinda relationship puts up with talk like that? I cant imagine it.

Anyway, other than ringing phones, questions I couldnt answer, talking to a guy who said "word"every other word, and rude customers...that was my day.

26!

Birthdays have been a day I could do without for many years now. Every year it starts out okay and then by the end of the day Im in tears. For some reason Im okay as long as Im home alone but whenever I get around other people I start to feel lonely. Its really getting old for me, and Im sure everyone else around but no matter what's going on nothing seems to change it. I felt really bad when I broke down this year, at least only my mom saw it.

This leads me to my one and only new years resolution... in the year 2009 I plan to spend my birthday completely alone-without even my phone on. Im thinking about going to a spa or something for the night, anything really to just be alone. Then I wont have to feel bad about making other sad for me, and I also wont have to fake it.

Even with all of that it was still a nice birthday-my mom even set up the table with Princess stuff which was sweet.

My Loot:
Camera from my parents (yay! Its a few models newer than the one I have (same camera though) and I hope its much faster!)














Ped Egg from my little Brother














Hershey from my little brother (guess I have a reputation)














Card from Kim/Brandon (including Brandon's silly first letter only signature *something like Happy Birthday Love Your Big Brother With A Big Truck*)














From my sister-a card with 'pampering money'