Donald Lee Conway (Death)

**Disclaimer: this blog contains talk of death and dying**

Yesterday at about 130pm my Grandfather (my dad's dad) passed away.

He had been suffering from COPD for many years and in the past few months has had repeated hospitalizations. He has been hospitalized since Monday for respiratory depression. I of course had a cold at the beginning of the week and since he had surgery (thrombolectomy) I was not able to visit until Thursday. When I saw him I knew his time was short. I stay ed with him so that his wife could go home and rest because he needed someone with him as much as possible. While there of course my "nurse" kicked in and I asked if he had an advance directive filled out and found out that he did not. I spoke to my dad about it and found out that he had a DNR filled out but due to surgery they had to throw it out and make another after (which had not been done yet). My dad filled it out right then and my Grandmother signed her portion Friday morning when she came back. I am SO glad I talked to my dad about it because he died about 12 hours after that was signed, and if it had not been signed the nurses would have had to perform CPR which would have just been awful for him.

I feel bad because he was resting fine all day (first time in about 24hrs) since they got his anti-vomiting medication switched. I was freezing in the hospital and whatever they use to clean their linens makes me sneeze so I couldnt even wrap up in a blanket. I decided to go home and grab a sweater and come back before the Dr.s made their rounds. I was gone about 30min and when I got back he was already gone. With my mind I know that people most often wait until their family is out of the room before they pass. I've seen it more than once-but it really doesnt make me feel much better.

The nurses are unable to tell someone over the phone that someone has died so they called my Grandmother and my Dad and told them he took a turn for the worst and for them to come down there. When I arrived back at the hospital one of the nurses down the other hall reached out and rubbed my arm and said "its okay" and I KNEW that was BAD, so I went running down the hall and as I came around the corner I saw his curtain was closed and heard his nurse say "I would like to report a death". She then told me that his heart had just stopped. I called my dad to tell him not to hurry (we have a drive safe thing in my family) that he was already gone, he said he already had a feeling.

When my Grandmother got there she was running down the hall already crying, and then I had to tell her he was already gone. From there things just went downhill. More family arrived and so I had to explain over and over what happened. It was a bit frustrating cause it was all "her" family and they still made me do everything (including talking to all the professions-I had no idea someone (me) had to talk to a coroner after a death). I'm not complaining about that-I just felt like her daughter/sister would have been able to offer more comfort than I was able too.

After they brought in the top dogs were were finally able to convince her that she had to allow them to take him to the Morgue and then went to her home and started looking for paperwork.

Now since yesterday I have been trying to locate where his mother is buried (finally did) and now I'm trying to find out if it is possible to have him buried with her. Hopefully they can figure that out today so that I can start the process of having him moved to that mortuary. On Monday I have to make pension/retirement phone calls because they are closed for the weekend. At this point I have no idea if I need to be making arrangements for a funeral (sounds like he didnt want one) and if not then do we do something grave side?

I have no idea what to do after death...I'm a nurse I deal with what comes BEFORE death (which preferably doesnt occur)...this is a learning experience I really do not want.