I did it! Im so proud of myself. I managed to make it through this vacation without contacting M. During the last few weeks it has been so hard not to. I had to talk myself out of 'just driving by' soooo many times.
It only got worst after my car accident. Family is great but there isnt anything like that 'special' hug that only one person can give you. I kept expecting him to contact me while I was there because usually when Im thinking about him a lot he ends up contacting me...we must still be on the same wave length. But not this time and that was worse (thought its a good thing cause I never could have managed to not talk to him this time).
I get very frustrated with myself that I still feel that pull but there really is no use denying it (though I continue to do so). I really cant imagine ever going back...but like the song says "If I didnt know now what I didnt know then". I may have been living in a dream world but I was much happier in that dream than I am now. Most of the time I manage to pretend like I dont care and that Im not thinking about him but so many things in my life we spent hours talking about. Including my new job that Im getting ready to start...just about every time I put on a pair of scrubs I think about him and his opinion of them (he loved them).
Hopefully now that I have taken the time to blog this I can quit thinking about it and move on.
1 comment:
I wondered a few times if you had tried to see him. I didn't mention it cause I could tell something was up and didn't wanna make anything worse. Especially after what you said about Kim saying she'd go with you. I think until you have another serious relationship you will always miss him. Thats all you have to go by so of course your heart will always stay there. I'm proud of you for making it though! Maybe next time it will be easier. Take care, love ya.
Post a Comment